Illinois governor J.B. Pritzker endeared himself to me yet again, this time by “sign(ing) an executive order on Sunday that aims to help strengthen protections for transgender students in the state’s schools.”

When I came out to my family, almost thirty years ago, my hope was that my parents, brothers and sisters would look at queer people with new eyes. With an openly gay member of the family, I assumed they would confront the bias and homophobia that was on full display when I was growing up. It would have been easier to lie and stay in the closet, but I’ve never been very good at deceit and – besides – I figured that there was bound to be another queer kid in the next generation. I told myself that by coming out, I would guarantee that the next queer kid wouldn’t be taught to hate themselves for being something other than heterosexual.

Hoo boy, was I wrong. The first of my siblings’ kids to come out as transgender met an even worse response than I did. Family members openly discussed finding a judge who would commit the young adult in question to a mental facility, purely on the basis of identifying as transgender. When my partner and I announced we’d be joining the family Christmas gathering to support our freshly-out kin, I was told by my own mother that we were not welcome at the family gathering, or even the state in which the gathering was being held.

One of the lessons I’ve taken away from my personal nightmare is that as queer folk we cannot rely upon unwritten promises or vague assurances from people who identify as allies. If we want equality, we need that equality to be enshrined in the law.