I was up until the wee hours last night working on the THIEF sample available on this web site. I’m editing, which is absolutely premature. But I am, and I thought it might be helpful (for me, maybe not so much you) to document exactly what I’m trying to do. Basic stuff:

(1) Eliminate sentences, paragraphs and pages which don’t fit within the emerging narrative structure.
(2) Simplify verbs and verb tenses. The nuance provided by more complex verb tenses isn’t worth the page clutter, at least in commercial fictions like WITCH and THIEF.
(3) Rehearse and revise narrative voice, with an eye towards consistency, plausibility, likability, and trustworthiness. In later revision rounds (after a full draft of the manuscript is complete) this step will become a higher priority.
(4) Reinforce appeals to all five senses.
(5) Eradicate stray spaces, misspellings and unintentional grammatical follies.

Simple stuff, but important enough to keep me up at night. (The coffee helped.)